


Drab-Tastic Four

by Wackd



Category: Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four (Comicverse)
Genre: (I had not finished the Bryne run when I wrote Frankie's which probably makes that one funnier), Am I seriously the third person ever to write Willie Lumpkin fanfic, Gen, Only one other Mahkizmo fic though which yeah that tracks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28590186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wackd/pseuds/Wackd
Summary: Behold, quick, comical interactions between all your favorite Fantastic Four characters! Ever wanted to know what happened if HERBIE met Mole Man, or Black Panther met Impossible Man, or Namor met Willie Lumpkin? No? Too bad! Now you do, and it's all my fault.
Kudos: 1





	Drab-Tastic Four

**Author's Note:**

> So. Back in May 2020, I took requests on Twitter. The deal was you toss me two Fantastic Four characters and I'd write a quick joke for them in 280 characters or less. I'm rehousing those here because hey, why not, right? So enjoy these idle musings. I certainly did.

**Reed:** I've run my body through dozens of tests, compared hundreds of slides, consulted the world's leading experts. And yet my body refuses to make sense. I just don't understand.  
**Strange:** * _calmly sipping tea_ * Of course you don't. It's magic.  
**Reed:** ...  
**Reed:** ...  
**Reed:** ...WHAT

* * *

**Uatu:** I am Uatu, Watcher of all permutations of what you call the Milky Way.  
**Ben:** What _we_ call it? Whadda _you_ call it?  
**Uatu:** Self-Nullifying Interstellar Coordinates K-E-R-S.  
**Ben:** ...fuck off

* * *

**Doom:** We are both heads of state. I see no reason why we cannot settle this like civilized men.  
**T'Challa:** See, if that was true, it wouldn't be something you only say after failing to murder me.

* * *

**Namor:** To protect my people from the surface dwellers, I have sequestered us deep underwater, in a cave as of yet undiscovered by even the most brilliant human scientists. How did on Earth did you find me?  
**Willie Lumpkin:** This package has your address on it!

* * *

**Harvey Elder:** The Fantastic Four thought they could send this robot to spy on me, but my genius doesn't just lie in tectonics! I can easily use my brilliance to turn this to my advantage!  
* _pokes HERBIE with a stick_ *  
**Harvey Elder:** how do i get tivo on this thing

* * *

**Impossible Man:** _Mahkizmo_ _?_ Your name is _Mahkizmo_ _?!_ Fuck that's dumb, and this is coming from someone named Impossible Man!  
**Mahkizmo:** You talk too much. What are you, some kind of woman?  
**Impossible Man:** I don't have a gender, actually.  
**Mahkizmo:** * _explodes_ *

* * *

**T'Challa:** My father was murdered. I've taken up this mantle to avenge him and all of my people who suffer.  
**Impossible Man:** My planet and race were killed. Do I also have to wear a stupid outfit and fight crime?  
**T'Challa:** I think that niche is already filled.

* * *

**Ben: 📞** Hey, you seen Bruce around? It's been a while since our last rumble, I'mma little worried.  
**Jen:** **📞** BRUCE DEALING WITH FORCES OF HELL OR SOMETHING. HE APOLOGIZE FOR NOT CALLING MORE  
**Ben: 📞 **What? Hell?! And what's up with your voice?!  
**Jen:** **📞** THIS YEAR BEEN A LOT

* * *

**Johnny:** Do you ever worry that we're only friends because we were college roomies? We don't have any common interests or goals. What keeps us together?  
**Wyatt:** This is the first time you've spoken to me in like ten years.  
**Johnny:** So you get where I'm coming from.

* * *

**Impossible Man:** I'm back again! By popular demand!  
**Doom:** Insolent fool! I didn't summon you!  
**Impossible Man:** Well of course _you_ didn't, you're not popular.

* * *

**Frankie Raye:** Hey, I don't think we've met. I'm Frankie. You must be Ben's friend.  
**Greer Grant:** Yeah. And you...dated Johnny?  
**Frankie:** Yep!  
**Greer:** Cool. Cooool.  
**Frankie:** ...  
**Greer:** ...  
**Frankie:** ...  
**Greer:** * _cough_ *  
**Frankie:** So, cats, huh?  
**Greer:** I'm getting a drink.

* * *

**Sue:** I can't believe you sold our home!  
**Peter Parker:** In my defense, I was extremely broke.  
**Sue:** How much could it possibly cost to rent five stories of apartment in Manhatta--no, y'know what, I'm sorry, I knew that sounded bad as it was coming out of my mouth.

* * *

**Stan Lee:** You guys gotta tell me what you've been doing while you're in space, we've been dying here!  
**Reed:** You're a writer, you could come up with something.  
**Stan Lee:** I haven't come up with something in ten years and I'm sure as hell not about to start now!

* * *

**Reed:** Okay, I've managed to cure your covid. There's just one problem with the vaccine--  
**Ben:** Stretcho, before you say another word, gimme a sec. * _scribbles a note, hands it to Johnny_ *  
**Reed:** \--it's going to turn you back into the Thing.  
**Ben:** Matchstick, the envelope, please!

 **Johnny:** Well, Ben specified "permanently", so I guess Reed...wiiiiiiins?  
**Reed:** Yeah, he didn't let me finish.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. And hey, if you want more of these (why wouldn't you?) feel free to drop a suggestion in the comments. Keep in mind I've read from 1961-1986 (though I have some hazy memories of 2010-2014 and am moooostly abreast of Slott.) Pick stuff within the contours of my expertise!


End file.
